“To love someone is not just a strong feeling- it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.”
I agree with most of what bell hooks explains in this article. She starts off by explaining how in our childhoods, we are taught that we need to find our fake selves because who we really are probably won’t be enough. When finding a partner, I think the worst thing you can do is pretend to be someone you aren’t. Eventually your real traits and emotions are portrayed and then to your partner you have “changed” even though you are being who you really have always been. For women, it’s a huge wide-spread fantasy that everyone has one soul mate and if we wait for him, he will come a sweep us off of our feet. I’m not saying that some people aren’t made for each other, but I think there are A LOT of perfect people out there for each and every one of us. Women are often let down when this fantasy doesn’t come true, and we have a normal wedding with a normal man in a normal church. For some reason that’s just not good enough, but who could blame us when all our lives we’ve been looking forward to something that is simply a fantasy? As for men, I think that men love sex, but I don’t think the ONLY thing men love is sex. I know plenty of men who are more emotionally attatched than their wives are. Men are brought up to be “tough guys” not sensitive wimps who actually care about a girl’s feelings.. who does that? As a matter of fact, most boys are influenced to lead girls on and only try to get one thing from them. I think that sucks! bell hooks says, “What becomes apparent is that we may be more interested in finding a partner than in knowing love.” I think that for a great deal of people that is true. We are so worried about fitting in and having normal relationships that it doesn’t matter whether we intend on marrying this person or staying with them forever. Because of all these factors, many believe there is no love. Whether they have been wronged by a partner, or not ever met their prince charming, love has standards to live up to and it doesn’t always do that. We as HUMANS (Yes, humans=people who make mistakes) have to take the good with the bad. Life isn’t always going to be perfect, and really.. who would want it to be?