Intro to Women's Studies 2010

etsu: 2011-2014

Is Polyamory a choice?

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In class we watched a video on polyamory relationships; polyamory being the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. At first, I was absolutely disgusted that people could live that way. Sharing partners so freely was bothersome. Then we watched a video on how different cultures across the world do things differently. Cultures may do things differently, as far as marriage and being in relationships, because that might be the only way to survive or live, or that might be the only way they know of. I then read an article by Michael Carey, ‘Is polyamory a choice?’, and it changed my point of view on relationships and marriage. I’m writing this post, still as a person that is fully monogamist, to express how my point of view of different relationships, that are different from my own accustomed views, has changed in a broader view. My parents always told me to do what makes me happy, because at the end of the day that is all that matters. And that is what I did and what I’ve always done. I don’t think I could stand someone telling me that I couldn’t run anymore. When I thought of this, I thought of the different relationship types being held to expectations they have to live a certain way or be in a certain kind of relationship to be accepted in society when they would be completely unhappy. I know that was a horrible analogy, but the feeling of being discriminated against because you are doing what makes you happy is a hurtful and judged feeling. I myself tend to judge others that have different relationships and marriages like homosexuality or polyamory, but I also realized from this reading that there is no reason to judge someone that is doing something to make themselves happy. Their happiness doesn’t affect my happiness, so what does it matter to me or anyone else? Just because someone is gay or has multiple relationships doesn’t mean they have some sort of disease or not capable of doing things. I know that many gays are refused jobs because of their choice. That gay person may be the smartest and most valuable person in your company and was turned away because of something that was ‘looked down at’. Overall, the point I got from all these readings and videos was that people shouldn’t be judged on what makes them happy. Happiness is a choice. We are all humans in need of different things to make our lives worth while.

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